New favorite picture

I mean, come on.

Hairy Situation

Hi, I'm a black pot.  I believe you've met my son the kettle?

So John isn't the only one around here that's balding.  I am losing my hair at an alarming rate.  Thankfully, I have really thick hair so you can't really tell, but it's insane.

I always would shed a little...in the shower, brushing my hair, etc...but when I was pregnant I think I lost about 5 strands total.  The entire 9 months I didn't lose a single hair in the shower and would barely find anything in my brush.  So my already thick hair got comically thick.  My ponytail was literally looking like a horse's tail.  Ew.

I was warned that my hair would fall out or might be different after John was born, but because it didn't happen for the first 3 months I thought I was in the clear.  Haha...nope.  The past couple weeks I can barely touch my hair and a chunk will fall out.  My body is resuming its normal shedding schedule, plus making up for the lack of hair loss in 2012.  Ugh.  It's a little scary, but I still have plenty on my head so it's ok. 

I never knew how closely hair is tied to hormones until I went through all this.  About a month after I went off birth control I got my hair done and my hairdresser was very concerned about how much hair she pulled off me when she was shampooing.  She actually asked me to go get my thyroid checked.  I just smiled and nodded (while praying I'd get knocked up before I went bald).

So between me, John, and Uma (June doesn't shed) we have quite a lot of hair to sweep up around here.  It's a fulltime job.

Three Months Old!

Happy 3 month birthday, John!

I can finally say that people aren’t lying to parents of newborns when they say “It gets better.”  Yes, it’s actually true.  It’s pretty amazing to see how much John has grown, physically and developmentally this past month.  He’s so much more alert and interactive.  He smiles all the time and I’ll get a big belly laugh out of him a couple times a day.  The kid likes to be entertained and has yet to learn how to entertain himself.  Bud and I are basically monkeys that perform for him all day long.  He’s become very….ummm…opinionated.  That’s a nice way of saying that he knows what he wants and will bitch until he gets it.


He’s also so much stronger.  He can hold his head up with no trouble now (although it’s still a little wobbly at times) and is getting better at “tummy time.”  He’s starting to have better control over his arms and legs and will kick his big, chunky legs for fun.


Sleep:
SO good.  I’m thrilled!  At about 10 weeks John became pretty good overnight sleeper.  He’s sleeping between 10 and 12 hours every night, waking up once to eat at about 4:00 for about 15 minutes.  Middle of the night feedings used to take about an hour or more so it’s awesome that we’ve gotten them down to 15 to 30 minutes max.  His longest stretch has been 9 hours, but 6-7 hours is now standard.

As I mentioned in my last post, John is in love his room and sleeping in his crib.  I still have a hard time getting him to take a good nap every day, but if I bring him in his room with the curtain drawn and the white noise machine on, his little brain knows what’s coming and he gets sleepy almost immediately.  A couple days ago he was playing on the floor and started to get fussy so I thought he might be sleepy.  I put the white noise machine on and saw his eyes roll back in his head within 30 seconds.   

I really need him to start taking a decent nap at least once a day so that I can get work done during the day. 

Eating:
Haha….clearly we don’t have an issue with eating.  His nursing times are getting shorter and shorter.  I don’t know if he’s becoming more efficient or just doesn’t want/need as much, but that’s ok with me.  The first couple months I think John would have been happy if I nursed him all day long, but he’s not like that anymore.  He’ll eat when he’s hungry, but when he’s done, he’s done.  He will not eat if he’s not hungry and will actually get pretty upset if I try to feed him when he’s not in the mood.  This is good because I’m not glued to the couch or rocking chair quite as much, but it’s also kind of annoying because I like to “top him off” before people come over or I’m about to go out and I can’t do that anymore. 

Like and dislikes:
His daddy:  Don’t get me wrong, John as always liked Bud, but in the past couple weeks he seems much more connected to his dad.  He’ll strain his little neck to see Bud when Bud gets home.  He’ll give the biggest smiles when Bud is the one to get him out of his crib in the morning (instead of boring old mom).  He’ll cuddle in and pass out when Bud walks him around the living room.  It’s very sweet.

Singing is always a hit.  Always.  His new favorite songs are any songs with hand movements.  They are mesmerizing.

He’s not really into toys yet, but likes this moose the best.  It TOTALLY tortures Uma.  He also likes this thing, which we call his iPod.

A few weeks ago he decided that being carried like a baby (his back parallel to the ground) is the worst thing in the world.  He wants to be carried upright (his chest on your chest, looking over your shoulder) and will LET YOU HEAR IT if you try to carry him any other way.  I mentioned he’s demanding and opinionated, right?

He LOOOOOOOOOVES ceiling fans and skylights.  They are endlessly entertaining.


He’s starting to notice the dogs more, but doesn’t have too much of a reaction.  Thankfully he doesn’t really mind that Uma is all-up-in-his-business all day long.

Size:
His growth rate has slowed.  Phew.  I didn’t think we could keep that rate forever.  I’m sure he’s gained some weight the past month, but is still wearing the same clothes (3-6 month mostly).  He graduated to a size 2 diaper at 9 weeks old, but there’s still plenty of room in them so I’m sure he’ll be in them for a while. 

He’s a chunky little marshmallow man, but I love it and wouldn’t want it any other way.  Why have a baby with 1 chin when you can have a baby with 3 chins?

Me:
I’m doing a lot better.  This month I’ve been able to pump a lot more to have “reserves” in the freezer for John.  This has allowed me to get out of the house a lot more…sometimes with him, sometimes without him.  I’ve had 2 long, social outings this month which have been heavenly.  Until a couple weeks ago, the longest I’d been away from John was 2 hours and almost every time I was away from him it was for an errand or a doctor’s appointment…nothing purely fun.  On April 4^th I went to happy hour and to see Rock of Ages with some friends.  I was gone over 5 hours (including his bedtime) and everyone was perfectly happy when I got home.  This past weekend I got a massage with some friends and then had a nice boozy-brunch complete with the most delicious lemon-ricotta pancakes ever.  It’s so, so, so wonderful to get out and do these things.  Makes me feel like me again….like I’m not a zombie after all.

Oh…and a nursing update just for fun:  312 hours, 32 minutes.  Wow.

John’s highlight of the month:
Easter Sunday.  He was such a little angel that day.  We spent time with both sets of grandparents.  He’s so lucky to have 4 grandparents in town who worship him.

John’s low-point of the month:
Getting round 1 of his vaccinations.  Poor boy.

Favorite picture:

Brother and Sister

I love that they have the same expression on their sweet little faces.

Others:

Mom, is there someone behind me?

I KNEW IT!

Morning cuddles = my heart melting

(plus, a Juno photobomb)

San Francisco shirt

Easter 2013

We need more pictures of the 3 of us.  I only have 4 so far.  My ultimate goal is a picture of all five of us, but that might be a pipe dream.

Expectation VS Reality

There were a lot of assumptions I made about being a mom that I’ve learned just simply aren’t going to happen.  The faster I accept the reality and let go of my expectations the happier John and I will be, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

One of these expectations is John’s adaptability, especially after 5:00 pm.  I assumed that John would be my perfect little sidekick and that I could tote him around and he'd always be happy and smiley and birds would be chirping on my shoulder when I leave the house.  I knew life would majorly change after John was born, but thought that eventually he’d be able to go out to dinner, run errands, etc. and that it wouldn’t be a big deal.  I have friends whose babies are perfectly content to sleep in a sling or carseat so I (wrongly) assumed that John would be the same.  Haha…yea, not so much.  He’s a good baby, but is FAR from as adaptable as I thought he would be and I’m just now realizing that every baby is different and I just happened to get one who likes to be at home and needs peace and quiet in the evening.  I felt that I must have messed up somewhere and that there was something wrong with the fact he’s like this.  But I have to cut myself a break here.  I didn’t do anything wrong.  John just is who he is.  He genuinely loves bath time and his bedtime routine.  He’s been sleeping alone in his crib since he was 1 week old and not once has he fussed when I put him down.  Not once.  That tells me that he likes the calmness that his room gives him and he’s not going to get that if I lug him out to a restaurant.  It sucks because I really thought young babies were happy sleeping anywhere, but I guess not.  Live and learn.

The good news is that on Friday Bud, John and I met two friends for dinner and John did well.  Granted, we went to Tijuana Flats knowing that we could bolt at any minute and that there wouldn’t be a long wait for service or food, but I feel like this is a baby step in the right direction.  It was SO great to get out on a Friday night and see people.  John was happy to look around at all the distractions in his car seat for a while, then he let Catherine hold him for a bit, but eventually we could see how tired he was so Bud took him.  About 3 minutes after being held by his dad, John was passed out so we slipped him back into his carseat where he slept until we got home.  I never knew how wonderful it would feel to have a beer and catch up with friends.  Heavenly.

My goal is to do things like this more often and get him used to it.  I’m happy the kid likes his routine, but I want him to be flexible with his schedule.  Meaning, we’ll still do the routine on nights when we go out, but it’ll start a little later.  That’s fair, right?

To work or not to work?

John is now 12 weeks old which means my maternity leave is officially over.  I haven’t talked much about my post-baby work plan on this blog because honestly until this week I didn’t know what I was going to do.  To refresh you on my initial thoughts, I mentioned it at my 30 week post.  On some days I wanted/needed to get the hell out of this house and get back to work and on other days I just couldn’t imagine leaving John at daycare 8-10 hours every day.  To be fair, I didn’t fully research the daycare option.  I mean, I looked online and talked to some friends, but I never actually picked up the phone or went to check one out.  I’ve told myself and my friends some partial lies saying that we simply can’t afford infant daycare (somewhat true…that shit is expensive) or that daycare would be tough because I’m on the road so much and Bud’s in court (kinda true, but I know my job would have worked something out for me).  The truth is I didn’t want to use daycare while John is so young.  I know plenty of people who use infant daycare and their kids are perfectly happy, but personally I couldn’t do it.

The problem, however, is that being a traditional stay at home mom didn’t really ring my bell either.  I’ve had so much anxiety over not working at all.  Again, I know plenty of people who do it and are perfectly happy, but I was worried that I’d agonize over every dime I spent and would feel somewhat bored or lonely.  I was also really bummed out over potentially losing my spot at the Alzheimer’s Association.  It took me TWO YEARS to find a job in the nonprofit sector so it was a little bit heartbreaking to give that up after only 1.5 years.

I think the main problem stems from my own mom. Yep, it’s Joan’s fault.  She set the bar impossibly high.  My mom was always a working mother, but I can’t think of one time that she wasn’t 100% there for me or my sister.  She somehow had a job, but also was on the PTSO, wrote my school’s newsletter, was able to go on field trips when I wanted her to, picked me up and dropped me off for various activities, etc.  She didn’t skip a beat.  How am I supposed to live up to that?

So last week I finally sucked up enough courage to meet with my boss to tell her that I wouldn’t be able to come back as the Development Manager.  I told her that I didn’t find childcare that I’m (a) comfortable with and (b) could afford.  Truth is I probably wouldn’t have wanted to go back fulltime right now even if Mary Poppins was watching John in my own home, but I didn’t need to tell her that.  I told her that although I can’t come back in the same capacity I’d love to stay with the Association either on a part-time or contractual basis.  She was incredibly supportive (I love her) and said she’d talk to our Chapter Executive to see what could be worked out.

I didn’t have high hopes because this would require creating a whole new position, but there are a lot of holes in our Chapter that I felt like I could fill.  The entire Chapter doesn’t have any admin or clerical support so there ends up being a lot of duplication and frustration Chapter-wide.  I met with my bosses on Monday and was thrilled to hear that they totally understand why I’m not ready to come back full-time and wanted to create this position for me!  We are still working out the details (like what exactly I’ll be responsible for, pay, hours, etc), but it sounds like I’ll be able to do this job 98% of the time from home when I have time (evenings, weekends, naptime).  The 2% of the time I have to go to the office my mom (or Bud’s mom in the summer) can help out with Johnny.  This is the ideal situation for me at this time.  We made a list of things I’ll be doing and it’s all stuff I enjoy doing:  Chapter newsletter, social media, website design and support, various data entry, etc. 

I know there will be days when I’ll miss going into the office and seeing other adults, but I’m really happy I was able to work something out and not leave the Alzheimer’s Association completely.  This cause has become very dear to my heart and I’m so glad to stay a part of the team.   I don’t know what my long-term career plans are, but I’d love to do something like this while my kids are so little and then ease back into a full-time position once they are in school.  That sounds like an eternity away at this point, but I know I’ll get there. 

I need to let go of living up to the Joan-standard, but if I can get halfway there my kids will be very, very lucky.

Bald Spots

It’s happening.  John’s balding.  I starting finding his fine black hair on the changing table, boppy pillow, and other places he had laid down a few weeks ago.  I tried to convince myself that it was just normal shedding, but I don’t think I can deny it any longer.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Not only are there bald spots, but it's also receding. 

PS...this was towards the end of a realllllly rough day hence the dead-inside eyes that I'm sporting.

His hair has been the first thing anyone noticed when they met him so I’m a little sad to see it thinning.  It’ll be interesting to see what it looks like when it grows back.  I doubt he’ll be blonde, but I also doubt it’ll stay black.  My money is on dark brunette like his papa.  Time will tell.

He's been a little upset with all the fat, bald man jokes so let's keep those to a minimum.

Message Received

He hates me.

Seven Already?

Happy 7^th Birthday to the little blonde who made me a mom, Uma!

Seven year olds also need to be burped after breakfast

Seven years ago you were born on a farm in Kansas and I was still living in Tallahassee getting ready to move back to Jax and marry your dad.  Once I got to Jacksonville our top priority was expanding our family with Golden Retriever puppy. One night in early June 2006 I was looking at wedding stuff online and somehow landed on a dog website.  I saw a Goldendoodle listed right beside our beloved Golden Retriever. Then it suddenly hit me…I will probably have this puppy when we have a human child. What will I do if s/he is allergic? After panicking for about 5 seconds I scrapped the Golden Retriever idea completely and fell head over heels for Doodles. Dad thought I was completely nuts at first, but gradually opened up to the idea.  About a week later I found you.  At 12 weeks old, you made your way to Florida on July 6, 2006. I loved you the second I saw your face.

Day One:  You made yourself right at home

What you love: cheese, peanut butter, anything that smells girly, barking out the window at passersby, wrestling/nibbling with your sister, getting kissed and refusing to give kisses, laying behind the rocking chair in John’s room, your NY Giants jersey, walks, car rides, being brushed, and finally your all time favorite – being chased.

What you don’t love: getting kicked out of bed/off the couch/out of John’s room, getting your ears cleaned, getting yelled at to be quiet, and our neighbors’ dogs.

But even those things that you don’t love you take in stride because you are so incredibly sweet and loving. Your personality fills our house in the best possible way. You’re a great older sister and a kind soul. If I could keep you at this age the rest of your life I would.

I didn’t have any doubts that you’d be great with John.  You watch him like a hawk and will always be right next to me when I carry him around.  I know you haven’t gotten as much attention from me the past couple months, but your dad and I have worked very hard to make life as normal as possible for you and June.  I hope you know that you’ll always be our first born and that we wouldn’t be the parents we are to John without the love and patience we learned from parenting you.

Thank you, sweet girl, and Happy 7th Birthday!

Love,

Mom

#tummytimesucks

Uma is so much better at holding her head up. John needs to up his game.

Doctor Visit - 2 Month Check-up

John had his 2 month doctor’s appointment today.  He hadn’t been to a doctor since he was 2 weeks old so it was kind of nice to go and hear nothing but good news.  We’ve managed to keep the boy developmentally and physically perfect on our own for 8 weeks. 

John is adorably short and stout.  He weighs 14 lbs, 9 ozs (85^th percentile), is 22 inches long (25^th percentile) and his head is still huge (90^th percentile).  The doctor is fairly confident that (a) he’s probably longer than what we were able to measure because he wouldn’t let her really stretch his legs and (b) that a major growth spurt is on the horizon.  I’m terrified for the growth spurt.

The 2 month appointment also meant the beginning of his infant vaccinations.  I’ve been dreading this appointment and so happy that Bud was able to come with us.  My poor boy fell sound asleep after the doctor left and before the nurse came in to administer the shots.  I really can’t imagine a worse way to be woken up.  Poor baby.  He left with 3 Band-Aids on his thunder-thighs.

Doesn't know what's coming

He screamed  and his big blue eyes welled up with tears during the shots, but he settled down almost immediately when Bud scooped him up.  We’ll keep careful watch to see if a fever develops, but were told that he’ll most likely be either extra sleepy or extra fussy for the rest of the day.  Besides waking up to eat, he’s been asleep ever since we got home.

Cuddles with Papa make everything better

For us, there was no debate whether or not to vaccinate John, but I have to admit that I had a pit in my stomach for a week leading up to this appointment.  I have to have confidence that they are safe and that my children will be much better off with the vaccinations than they would be without them, but it’s just so tough to think about injecting my baby with anything.  At this point he’s just so pure so putting something besides breast milk into him feels unnatural.  I’m so thankful that these vaccines exist and that I don’t have to worry about John contracting Polio, Whopping Cough, Meningitis, etc. but I don’t think I’ll ever look forward to these appointments.